Your star
by smashingmolko
Summary: Set after the war, Harry and the crew are repeating their final year at Hogwarts. He finds himself bitter and lonely and his quest for solace leads him to the most unlikely of people. He begins a passionate but secret love affair, scared and angry with his friends, will he alienate himself completely? Or will he and Draco finally find the peace they deserve? Drarry. Lemon. Angst.
1. Prologue

**Your star.**

A/N I would like to apologize for having to re-upload this chapter so many times, the program I've been using to write my fan fictions on apparently doesn't agree with fan fiction, I would like to let you know this will be the final copy with this story and thanks for bearing with it earlier and reading it while it was a complete shambles (:

"_Lie to me, convince me that I've been sick forever,  
and all of this will make sense when I get better.  
But I know the difference between myself and my reflection.  
I just can't help but to wonder, which of us do you love?"_

**Chapter one  
Prologue **

Things were seemingly normal Harry decided. As he sat on the train to Hogwarts with Ginny, Ron and Hermione he felt a strong sense of familiarity. He could hear the first and second years talking excitedly about arriving at Hogwarts. Beside him and in front of him Hermione and Ron bickered. Further up the corridor he could hear a woman calling out "Anyone care for some sweets?"  
And then people calling out things such as "Over and here!" and "Out of my way!"  
Everything was seemingly back to normal. But at the same time, it wasn't. It would never be the same again. Not after the year before. Not after the war. Everyone else seemed to have accepted already that what happened had happened, and now that Voldemort was gone everything was okay. But Harry didn't believe it was, not at all. Not with the recurring images of the deaths of his friends having stained his mind. Every moment constantly replayed in his mind and he found himself living with a strong sense of sorrow. He was sure that everyone was struggling in their own way. After all, there was a lot lost in the war. But as he glanced around him, heard the excited shouts, saw the happy faces, he couldn't help but wonder if he was the only one who was truly suffering. He felt selfish, but it still nagged at him. He couldn't accept that everything was back to normal, because it most certainly was not.  
A hand on his shoulder broke his thought and he managed to tear his eyes away from the window for long enough to see Ginny staring at him with slight concern. He resisted an urge to shake her hand off of him and turn back to the window.  
"Huh?" He asked. He had drowned out their voices and drifted off into a daze.  
"I asked if you were alright?"  
Before he could explain himself to her, Ron cut in for him.  
"Leave him be Ginny, he's probably just thinking. He doesn't need you harassing him every five minutes."  
Harry sighed inwardly with relief and gave him a small smile of appreciation, which Ron returned. Ron had obviously noticed just how short-tempered Harry was getting with Ginny. She just wouldn't leave him alone. She always had to be checking on him, making sure he was okay. Offering to bring him food. Offering to listen to him if he needed to talk. He understood why she was concerned, but she clearly didn't realize if he wanted to talk he would have.  
Feeling no need to say much else on the matter he stood to leave.  
"Wait, where are you going?"  
Harry shrugged.  
"Just need to use the loo. I won't be long."  
When they all accepted this and went back to talking he left the compartment and headed for the bathroom. Truth was he didn't need to use the toilet; he just needed some space and cold water on his face.  
When he reached the bathroom though he found it was occupied. He decided to just wait. He felt obliged to go in since he'd told the others that's where he was going. He also didn't feel like going back just yet and found it was actually a slight relief that his time was being wasted.  
After a brief moment Malfoy emerged, looking tired and glum. It reminded Harry of year six, when he and Malfoy had fought. Before they started throwing hexes at each other, Harry had caught Malfoy by the sink. Looking broken and distraught as he splashed water on his face. He had often thought about that. He wondered what would have happened if he had taken a different approach.  
"Malfoy." He nodded and stepped out the way so Draco could leave.  
He had expected a snide remark, what with the way Draco narrowed his eyes in a slight glare. But soon his expression softened to something more neutral and he gave Harry a slight nod before heading back to his seat.  
The two had an unspoken truce. After everything that happened he no longer wished to continue fighting, and he assumed Malfoy felt the same. He watched Draco return to his seat next to Pansy who immediately moved to stroke his cheek and kiss him. Harry watched as she doted over Malfoy, who clearly did not seem at all fazed, and was suddenly reminded of himself. Malfoy seemed to be off in a daze as Pansy and Blaise continued to talk and laugh. Not noticing how distant their friend was being. Harry didn't realize he had been staring for so long until he caught Dracos gaze. Draco continued to stare back until Harry finally turned away and entered the bathroom, feeling slightly embarrassed with himself. He hadn't meant to stare, he was just too lost in thought. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.  
Harry spent the next five or so minutes in the bathroom, just sitting and thinking. Trying to clear his head but failing. He tried to cool himself down by washing his face but it made no difference. He was still lost in a daze staring at his reflection without much thought, when a knock on the door pulled him back to reality.  
"Harry?" Came a soft recognizable voice.  
"Hang on Ginny." He called back, not making an attempt to move from his spot. After a short while he did, and he used his sleeve to quickly dry his face off and flushed the toilet. Making it seem like he was actually doing something. Once he'd washed his hands he opened the door and found Ginny waiting for him.  
"You were gone for so long that I didn't know what to think."  
She said, giving him a warm smile. He smiled back but with no real meaning.  
"Well thanks for your concern, but I didn't need it. Someone else was in there before me so I had to wait."  
She nodded and the two of them returned to their seats, but not before Harry looked back and stole a glance at Draco, who was already looking in Harrys direction. Harry kept eye contact for a few brief seconds before he let Ginny grab his hand and pull him away.  
"Come on, Ron and Hermione are waiting for us."  
He followed her, looking back every so often. But Draco had by now turned back to look at Pansy.

"Finally!" Ron groaned as he stretched his body. Harry said nothing, just stood and grabbed his bag.  
"Tell me about it, talk about taking forever!" Ginny yawned over dramatically and slowly draped one arm over Harrys shoulder. Trying to look innocent, but failing by laughing. Hermione found this funny, but Ron rolled his eyes.  
"Get a room you two!"  
He may have accepted that Ginny and Harry were together, but he was still awkward when it came to Ginny flirting with him around Ron. Harry forced a laugh to hide how uncomfortable he felt.  
"Hey! She came on to me!" He joked. Ron muttered something under his breath and Ginny and Hermione laughed.  
"Come on Ron, we're here now, let's go unpack."  
Hermione took a hold of Rons free hand and lead him out, leaving Harry and Ginny alone.  
"You know, just before.. It made me happy."  
Harry had started to leave by now and Ginny was right behind him with her own bag placed on her back.  
"How so?"  
"It just seemed like you were.. You again.. For a few-"  
He didn't catch the end of that sentence. Something else had caught his attention. He could see Draco and his friends making their way towards them. He stepped to the side and so did Ginny, but this time, he was determined not to get caught staring at Malfoy. He lowered his head and looked down, while Malfoy walked past without sparing a second glance for Harry. He looked straight ahead not even acknowledging the two of them. Once they'd passed, Ginny continued talking.  
"I just want you to be happy." She watched Harry, waiting for a response.  
"I am Ginny, I'm fine okay? Let's just drop it."  
He expected her to complain or protest or something, but all he received was a nod and a small smile. The two walked in silence from there onwards. Ginny, not wanting to say anything in case she made things worse. Harry, not wanting to speak at all just because of how worn out he was. Not just then, but constantly. He was tired all the time. Tired, frustrated and some what empty. When they finally reached the carts, they noticed Ron, Hermione and Neville sitting together on one lone cart that was left behind.  
"Come on you two! We've been waiting for ages!" Hermione called out impatiently. Harry and Ginny broke into a jog as they hurried to reach the cart.

There was such a grim feeling in the air at Hogwarts. McGonagall had replaced Dumbledore as head mistress and although she tried her best, it just wasn't the same. Harry took a seat at the Gryffindor table and let his thoughts drift to the first years that were grouped at the front of the great hall. All eagerly waiting to be sorted into one of the four houses. As he watched them he felt nothing but pity. For them or for the other Hogwarts students he wasn't sure. He felt pity for the first and second years who never knew Dumbledore. Never had the chance to be around when he was but at the same time, sorrow for the people who did know him. For the students and teachers who had spent their years at Hogwarts with him.  
Seeing the new arrivals at the front, beaming proudly as they were sorted into houses one by one reminded Harry of when he first started at Hogwarts. When he was a first year, nervously waiting to find out where he'd be placed. When his only worry was that he made it into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. He remembered how happy he had been and he suddenly found that he was mourning that as much as he was the friends they'd lost along the way. He had been stripped of his innocence.  
He turned to Ron who was deep in conversation with Seamus, talking about McGonagall being the new head mistress.  
"I reckon she'd be brilliant, better then all the other teachers I reckon."  
Seamus was shaking his head in disagreement.  
"Yeah but she's scary, I'm telling ya! She's far too strict."  
It was Rons turn to shake his head.  
"Nah.. McGonagall? She's a big softy! She lets us away with nearly anything. Especially now it's our last year, she'll be giving the eight years special treatment." Harry turned away. Not wanting someone to pull him into conversation. There was only one remaining first year who was sorted into Slytherin. Harry couldn't help but think to himself that the kid even _looked _like a Slytherin. As he made his way over to the Slytherin table he wore a smug sneer that strongly resembled the one Draco Malfoy used to wear. Before he could seek out said Slytherin, there was a hand on his shoulder and a soft voice speaking to him.  
"It's crazy, isn't it? This is our last year. I'm going to miss being here."  
It was Hermione. She gave a feeble smile and sighed.  
"It sounds silly, but this is my home. I'm glad we got to come back this year, I would have gone mad if I didn't have you and Ron around to keep me busy."  
Harry felt himself relax. He placed his hand over hers and smiled.  
"I know. I'm going to miss this as well."  
He actually hadn't thought about what was going to happen once he'd left. He couldn't live with his Aunt and Uncle again, that was for sure. He wouldn't want to burden the Weasely family when there was barely enough room or money as there was at the Burrow. He had a lot of thinking to do he now realized, and he wonder if one year would be enough time. He knew he wanted to be an auror but nothing else really crossed his mind. He'd been far too focused on killing Voldemort.  
"Where do you plan on staying after Hogwarts?"  
It was bad enough he couldn't answer the question in his own head, but now that Ginny was asking him he felt more than a little bit awkward.  
"Well I.. Uh.." He found himself stuttering, and when he couldn't be bothered trying to come up with something coherent to say he just shrugged.  
Hermione butted in before Ginny could say anything else anyway, which Harry was thankful for.  
"Ginny, I have something interesting to show you once we've been dismissed, it's in the library so come with me after we've been to our dormitories."  
She said, leaning across Harry to speak. Harry glanced across the table at Ron who'd been listening in and they both rolled their eyes. He almost jumpt out of his skin when Ginny suddenly ran her fingers through his hair.  
"Ginny, what?" He came off a bit snappy, and pulled back more so than he should have but Ginny just laughed it off and ignored his reaction to her touching him.  
"I was just telling Hermione your hair has gotten far too long again. It needs a cut."  
Harry subconsciously touched his hair, feeling slightly defensive. It may have grown quite a bit, but he wanted to keep it long. He liked it like that.  
"I'm not cutting it. And since when has the length of my hair been your concern Ginny?"  
This time she looked mildly offended.  
"Since I became your girlfriend. I thought that since then my opinion of your appearance should matter."  
He wanted to say no to both. No to her being his girlfriend, he hadn't actually told her they were dating. She came up with that idea herself. And no to her opinion of him meaning much. He only really saw her as a friend, and since he wasn't trying to impress her it didn't matter if she found him attractive or not. He kept these thoughts to himself and instead sighed in annoyance. Ginny, having nothing left to say stood from her seat and looked at Hermione.  
"Come on, you can show me now. There's nothing keeping us here."  
Hermione reluctantly stood and nodded before turning to Harry.  
"Apologize later."  
She then turned and followed Ginny before Harry could protest.  
"Bloody women, I'm telling you. They're a lot of work."  
Ron chided once they'd left. Harry nodded and the two of them stood, followed by Seamus and Neville. Neville and Seamus were lost in conversation about who will be replacing the former teachers, while Ron and Harry stayed silent as they made their way to Gryffindor didn't stay with the others for long and they chose not to question him when he went to bed early. He had at first believed he just needed a good sleep. That he was tired and if he went to bed early he would feel better the next day. But the problem was he couldn't sleep. He lay still with his eyes shut for what seemed like forever, trying to let his body relax. But sleep just would not come. Even long after the rest of the gryffindor males had retreated to their bunks and fallen soundly asleep, he was still wide-awake. His busy mind was what was keeping him awake, so sliding out of bed Harry decided to go for a walk to calm himself down.

The night air was bitter and cold, refreshing from the warmth of his bed, which had been over heating him. Once dressed Harry slipped the invisibility cloak over himself and left. It was just how Harry remembered it. Walking through the corridors at night unseen by passing teachers. It was always a slight thrill because even though he had the protection of the cloak, he still had to be cautious. He found himself wishing he had brought the map with him. It was such a pain to move around with the cloak covering him and it put him on edge not knowing who could be coming around the corner. As exciting as it was being able to return to an old, familiar habit he found he still wasn't fulfilled, still wasn't ready to retreat to bed just yet. He took a note that he was close to a bathroom and decided he would make a pit stop and then sneak over to Hagrids. It was late, inappropriate and just what he needed. To be in Hagrids company. Since his return to Hogwarts he'd yet to spare a moment for his old friend. This would be his last year and he would miss Hagrid the most out of everyone.  
The bathroom closest to him was the prefects bathroom, and although he wasn't supposed to use it he figured it wouldn't really matter considering he was invisible and it was an godly hour, so there was pretty much no chance at all that he would get caught. One thing that caught him off guard when he finally reached the bathroom was the voices coming from inside of it. Again, he wished he had the map so he could work out who was on the other side talking. The door was open wide enough for him to fit through he saw, and he stole a quick peak before entering.

_'Malfoy... What's he doing up this late?' _Another question he had to ask himself was why Malfoy happened to be everywhere he was. It seemed lately his eyes would unwilling seek out his least favourite blonde and lock on to him. It also seemed Draco liked bathrooms. He was always in them. Harry couldn't see anyone else in the room, but Malfoy was definitely talking to someone.  
A female from the sounds of it, and it seemed a bit grim. Harry tried to get a better listen so he could work out who it was but there was no need. There was a high pitched squeal, some giggling, and an annoyed Malfoy ordering her to stop laughing at him.  
"I said shut up! I won't talk to you any more; you can float in lonely misery for all I care if you don't shut up!"  
He was standing and heading for the door. A wave of panic hit Harry who had been so busy eaves dropping he had momentarily forgotten he was wearing his cloak. He relaxed when Moaning Myrtle moved in front of Malfoy and sighed.  
"I'm sorry Draco, what's wrong?" She wore a fake pout but she was serious.  
He glared but moved back to sit on the edge of the bath.  
"I can't tell you."  
Harry had by this point slipped in, feeling more confident he wouldn't be seen. Myrtle growled in frustration.  
"It's always like this! 'Myrtle I'm sad, but Myrtle I won't say anything!' Why not! Why can't you just say it for once!"  
Her screeching was high pitched to the point where Harry had to cover his ears. The bath taps turned on and brilliantly colored hot water burst through. It was enough to jolt Malfoy away from the baths edge and for steaming water to fall over and leak onto the floor. It stopped just as soon as it started and the water slowly retreated down the drain when Malfoy shot Myrtle a glare that calmed her to the point where she merely hovered above him with a childish pout. Harry was pressed against the wall, a little shaken by her sudden out burst. He expected Myrtle to whine and complain or Malfoy to shout something insulting, but to his surprise Malfoy remained calm, and Myrtle remained silent.  
"Because." He paused and turned his head. His eyes seemed to lock onto Harrys even though Harry was completely invisible. Even though he hadn't been seen, Harry was struck with the realization that Malfoy knew he was there. A cold panic chilled his blood. His breathing hitched and his heart raced in his chest. He'd never felt so exposed. Frozen completely like a rabbit caught in a headlight. He knew he should run, he could escape if he did. He could run back to the safety of his dorm and hide, but his body disobeyed him. It seemed to believe if he remained still Malfoy wouldn't catch him. He would tell Myrtle something else and he could slip out unnoticed. His fear was messing with his logic.  
"Potter seems to be trying to listen in on our conversation Myrtle."  
There was no doubt about it now, he was caught, and he was dead. Again his body made up it's own mind and decided to just reveal himself. He wondered briefly if his body had wanted to be caught. Maybe he subconsciously wanted to die, and he had without realizing it gone and gotten himself killed. His logic and fear seemed to be debating again. His fear screamed at him  
_'no stop you idiot! Why are you doing this?' _and his logic seemed to argue _'I'm caught anyway so why not? Maybe I can explain myself?'  
_His logic finally got through to him, even if it did seem to have the wrong idea, and he removed his cape. Revealing himself to Malfoy and Myrtle.  
"Harry? What are you doing here?" There was innocence in her voice and Harry was thankful she was also in the room. Even if she was just a ghost, she didn't hate him and she was a friendly presence that gave him the teeniest sense of safety. Like a small child who is frightened of the dark and has to sleep with a cat on their bed to feel some form of safety, even if the cat is a useless defence it is a non-threatening presence in the terrifying dark. Myrtle was like a cat. So to speak.  
Harry couldn't help but ask himself the same thing.  
"I-I needed.."  
He trailed off. He was trying to remember what he had come here for but the voices had distracted him and the tense situation fogged his mind.  
"Out with it then!" Malfoy demanded with his wand pointed at Harry. It was sixth year all over again. When he had tried to listen in on Malfoys conversation with Pansy and Blaise, but ended up caught and lying immobile and unseen with a broken nose.  
_'Speak!' _He screamed to himself. His logic and fear had finally joined forces.  
"I needed to use the.. The bathroom and I heard.."  
He swallowed.  
"Talking."  
In other words, he was spying. Again. He suddenly needed to say more.  
"I couldn't sleep, I was going to go see Hagrid."  
His words came out rushed and panicked and he couldn't hide the feeling of horror that coursed through his blood. He couldn't understand why he was so frightened. It was only Malfoy, he could easily counter anything Malfoy tried to throw at him, but for some reason he felt a mixture of fear and guilt. What he had said was true so he had nothing to hide. He over heard and saw nothing so there was no reason to feel guilty. Malfoy staled and lowered his wand slightly, relaxing and accepting Harrys excuse but keeping it at the ready in case he changed his mind and decided to hex him anyway.  
"Couldn't sleep Potter? What's keeping you up? Too much attention?"  
It was actually quite far from the truth. Other then Ginny's nagging, Harry was pleased he hadn't been swamped with younger witches and wizards eager to give their praise and thank him for saving the wizarding world. He supposed it was because in the letters handed out this year about returning to Hogwarts McGonagall had warned students about Harry needing his space. She had actually threatened to expel students who took their admiration for him so far as to stalking or harassing him. He was thankful. He doubted he could handle being hounded constantly while trying to mind his own business. Attention was the last thing he wanted. He could barely even look at his own friends now. Of course as was expected there was a couple of curious students who worked up the nerve to talk to him but he politely brushed them off and went back to being too distracted in his thoughts to care much about what was going on around him.  
No, it wasn't the attention keeping him up, and the lack of spite in Malfoy's words and the look of understanding in his cold grey eyes told Harry he was just trying to bring back a sense of familiarity. He was trying to be snide towards Harry but he was failing. He knew what was making Harry restless, the bags under his eyes told Harry that he was thinking and feeling the same things as he was.  
"Cut the crap Malfoy."  
He was ready to turn and leave to go find a different bathroom so he could catch up with Hagrid, but his body wasn't cooperating. He was still glued in place.  
Malfoy placed his wand back in his hoister and sat on the edge of the now empty bath. Myrtle found herself feeling awkward and left the two to argue it out on their own. Harry no longer felt unsafe even with Myrtle gone, leaving him alone with Malfoy. Malfoy turned to look at Harry, sending a slight chill down Harrys spine. He noted the temperature drop and wondered if it were always this cold in the room of if earlier he was just too panicked to notice.  
"Something else then Potter? Want to share with me what's on your mind?"  
"What I think is none of your concern Malfoy."  
Now Malfoy stood and his nerves came back to him. Harry took a step back towards the door, ready to run if need be.  
"I think it is, since it obviously has something to do with me."  
"W-what?" He didn't mean to stammer. It didn't help convince Malfoy he was wrong.  
"You're always watching me. Everywhere I go, you're there. You can't say it's mere coincidence. I know why."  
"Why?" He should have disagreed but he wanted to hear Malfoys reasoning, because Malfoy was on some level right. Part of him hoped Malfoy could provide him with answers he himself didn't have. As absurd as the accusation was, it was true.  
"Because we're the same." He moved towards Harry and stood too close to him for comfort. Harry shifted uncomfortably but stood his ground.  
"You and me are the only ones who remember what happened, we're the only ones who care. I know what's keeping you up. Nightmares. Every night it's the same dream, about.."  
He paused and uneasiness flicked across his pale face that now up close seemed to be sleepless and distraught to Harry. He could see just how dark the bags under his eyes were, he could how sunken Malfoys face seemed to be and wondered if he looked like that. A complete wreck. It would explain Ginnys need to worry and obsess over him.  
"You-know-who." He finally said. Harry understood his fears of speaking about Voldemort. No-one, not even he spoke about anything that had happened during the war. If 'his' name was taboo then, it was suicide to mention it now.  
"About your friends. It's all you ever think about, while everyone else is happy and normal. Like it never happened. They all sleep soundly while you toss and turn at night."  
His words sounded deranged and unstable and it frightened Harry to know that Malfoy was right. He swallowed and when he clenched his hands together he found they were starting to sweat. All Harry could do was nod dumbly. Malfoy went to move but Harry grabbed his wrist to keep him in place.  
"We're the same."  
Malfoy repeated and the words burnt deep into Harrys mind. He released his grip but Malfoy didn't move. He seemed to look through Harry and suddenly Harry felt more exposed then he ever thought was possible. Standing before him was Draco Malfoy. His rival, his worst enemy, an object of his hatred. The two had always despised each other. It was how it was meant to be. They were once opposites, but now it seemed they weren't. They were at an understanding of each other. Harry still loathed Malfoy with passion, but now there was something else. Something other then detest. It scared him. He suddenly understood he was no longer had friends, people who adored him, if he wanted he could now have any girl he wanted. But he had been completely alone and he couldn't explain it, but now that Malfoy knew how he felt and understood, he was no longer isolated.  
He turned on his heels and left the bathroom. He didn't know what to say, he didn't know what to do. He didn't even realize he had dropped his cloak and left it behind. He started to run. He didn't care where he ran to he just needed to escape.

Draco spotted Harrys cloak laying surplus and forgotten by the door and picked it up. He looked out the door and into the corridor which was now silent and empty with no trace of Harry.

**A/N Yeah I know, I've started another story, I should be working on my others but I have to get this down, it's vital that I get it out of my head and on to fanfic!  
Disclaimer; I don't own Harry potter, J. does. Evanescence owns the lyrics to 'breathe no more' at the start of the chapter.**

**I hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading, review and tell me what you think (:**


	2. Pacifier

**Your star.**

A/N So the last chapter was a disaster and I've noticed lots of words have been deleted when I tried to re-upload it, so any mistakes or missing words were not there originally, I may have to go through and edit it once more (for the eighth time already) so if you spot something please let me know D: Thanks for reading and reviewing if you took the time, expect this story to be updated quite frequently, it's my favorite so far (:

**Chapter two  
Prologue **

'_We're the same.'_

Malfoys voice was now a distant echo in the back of his mind. As he lay silently in his bed staring into the dark Harry had two things on his mind. Malfoy and his cloak which he'd left lying on the bathroom floor for anyone to grab. Which lead him back to his first thought; Malfoy. He was sure Malfoy had spotted it and stolen it. He could forget about ever trying to get it back, there was next to no chance he'd see it again. While this upset him he was more worried about Malfoy and what he'd said in the bathroom.

'_No we're not. We're not the same.'_

He didn't understand. What could he have possibly meant by that? They had similarities yes, but they were far from being 'the same.' He rolled over to his side and let a low growl escape his throat. He blinked and rubbed his eyes. They stung from lack of sleep but remained wide open and kept him awake and on edge. The sick thing was Malfoy had been right. He knew how Harry felt, and how he knew this Harry didn't know but the fact was that Malfoy knew and was the only other person who understood him.  
He remembered on the train seeing Draco with Pansy and Blaise. Noting how distant and uncomfortable he'd been and thinking how he was the same with his own friends.  
He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to change his thoughts. He needed to distract himself and fall asleep. He focused on quidditch. Feeling the cold breeze whip at him and stinging whatever of his pale flesh was exposed. Trying to imagine the scenery and cheering voices surrounding him, blurring and distorting as he flew faster. His fingers twitched slightly as he let his mind drift further from his body.  
After a while his heavy eyelids gave way and his body relaxed. He fell into a light sleep.

"I thought the nightmares stopped?"  
Harry stared dumbly at Ron who sat on the edge of his bed, watching him with concern clear on his face. Harry wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and wasn't surprised to find he was sweating. His pajamas were damp and adhered to his skin uncomfortably. The sun was bright and blinding and without his glasses he could only barely make out the shape of Ron. He linked the random blur of orange and Rons voice to the blob sitting in front of him and let himself fall back onto his pillow.  
"No. They didn't."  
Harry was less than happy with the amount of sleep he got, or more failed to get. He closed his eyes and groaned. Groaned at the sun, groaned at Ron's stupid comment stating the obvious and groaned at his life. He had been trapped in a terrible nightmare, the sheets that wrapped around his legs and tied him in place was evidence of how violently he'd been moving around in his sleep. His breathing was no longer ragged as he tried to relax and hopefully drift back to sleep, though he doubted he could he also doubted if he did go back to sleep he would sleep peacefully with no more haunting dreams.  
He heard Ron sigh and knew that he would continue the conversation so getting up seemed to be Harrys only option. He reached over the side of his bed and picked up his glasses, everything becoming clearer when he put them on. He could see the look of slight annoyance on Rons face and wondered if Ron was angry at him.  
"You look a right mess you know? Not just now, well now yes, but _always_. You always look tired or angry... I mean…"  
He trailed off and glanced at Harry, seeking out permission to continue talking by searching Harrys expression. Harry looked blank, but nodded so Ron continued. Obviously trying step around saying anything that could annoy Harry and end the conversation.  
"I understand why mate, I really do, it's just… We're worried about you…"  
Harry tried not to get angry or snap. He had a right to be angry and tired. He couldn't sleep and under his circumstances he thought anger and grief were appropriate feelings. Still, Ron and Hermione had tried their best to avoid bringing up such topics, always accepting when Harry wanted to be left alone and making sure they were subtle with their worry. It was hard to get annoyed at Ron or Hermione; no he usually saved his anger for Ginny. They had noticed but she hadn't. She continued to pester him no matter what he said or how he said it and he wondered how much longer his friends would keep intervening for him before they gave up and forced him to deal with her himself.  
"Don't be, I just haven't been sleeping right. It'll wear off soon; things will go back to normal."  
His false smile didn't pass as legitimate enough to convince Ron that things were alright. But he kept his mouth shut. He stood and headed for the door. Everyone else was still asleep in their bunks.  
"I'll meet you at breakfast then I guess?"  
"Sure, I'll meet you in ten."  
He waited till Ron disappeared out of the room and quickly changed into his robes.

The great hall was relatively quiet compared to how packed it usually was. Harry found himself glancing at the Slytherins as he hastily made his way to Ron who sat alone at the Gryffindor table. The table was full, and he quickly adverted his eyes. He took his seat and the absence of his housemates made him feel exposed to possible prying eyes. He tried to hide his sudden nerves but Ron picked up on it.  
"Mate, you're a bit tense. Is something wrong?"  
Harry immediately shook his head and started to pile food onto his plate. He took a sip of his drink and did a quick scan across the room to see if he could spot Malfoy. Once he was sure he'd seen every face at the Slytherin table he accepted that Malfoy hadn't come down stairs yet. He could eat in piece.  
"What have you and Hermione got planned for today?"  
Ron finished his mouthful before answering. He had expected Harry to be silent and distracted but was relieved Harry wanted to talk.  
"Probably something book related. You'd think that having nothing to study or read about would stop her, but she just keeps reading!"  
Harry chuckled. Ron gained slight confidence in this and also felt free to laugh. It seemed whatever Harry was feeling seemed to rub off on him and sometimes I seemed he was too scared to even breathe without Harry getting upset or telling him to back off. He'd been like that with everyone. It seemed he was distancing himself from the world which was only making things worse.  
"We always knew this. I was thinking of going flying later on, want to join?"  
After thinking about quidditch all night he was craving being in the air. Ron seemed to glow at his request, a broad grin complimenting his handsome face.  
"Yeah, you bet! I haven't taken my broom out in ages!"  
"Great then I guess-"  
Harry didn't finish his sentence. He didn't even bother to trail off. He simply cleared his throat and turned his head when a cheerful red head spotted the two of them and made her way over.  
"Hey guys."  
She smiled warmly and Harry figured she was over being angry at him. He made this assumption when she sat beside him and landed a kiss on his cheek. He smiled and kissed her briefly on the lips. Ron made a face and Harry and Ginny laughed at him. Hermione joined them shortly after and it seemed everyone else seemed to follow after.  
The conversations that passed between the group were light and cheerful. Harry had no real interest, but felt like he owed it to them to at least feign happiness. He would pay for it later. His guilt and grief would make sure of it. For now all he wanted was everyone to stop asking him what was wrong.

When Harry finally spotted Malfoy entering the great hall he had long since finished eating and was glad for that. The two made eye contact and Malfoy wore a smug smirk that was a contrast to the harsh glare Harry shot at him. Harry couldn't help but keep his eyes trained on Malfoy. Somehow hoping he would give away some sign that he had his cloak. Of course, Harry was only _assuming_ Malfoy had picked it up. For all he knew he could have left it behind for someone else to steal it. He was actually rather hoping Malfoy had grabbed it. It was partly because he would be able to get it back, and partly because he found himself wanting to talk to Malfoy again. A contradictive part of him wanted to run and hide from Malfoy. It told him to never go near Malfoy again. He decided that part of him was sensible enough to listen to so he stood and started to leave.  
"I'm going for a walk. I'll meet you later Ron."  
He said a quick goodbye to everyone and left the crowded room. He didn't notice how overwhelmed he was until he left the room. The air in the corridors was cold and refreshing and he paused for a brief moment to breathe. His moment was up when he heard a familiar voice call out to him.  
He immediately turned and headed in the opposite direction. The voice kept calling to him but his feet refused to stop moving. Instead they sped up.  
"Watch it!"  
A girl complained as Harry pushed through her and her friend. He ignored them and kept moving, trying to put as much distance between him and Ginny as possible.  
This made her even more desperate to catch up and she broke into a jog.  
"Harry! Just wait!"  
Her voice was closer now and Harry was jogging as well.  
"Just go away Ginny!"  
He called back to her. He was coming off as panicked because he was. It felt like he was being hunted.  
"What's wrong with you!"  
She shrieked when she finally had a tight grip on his wrist. She turned him around to face her.  
"Just back off! Leave me the hell alone!"  
Ginny at first looked scared and taken back but those feelings were shortly replaced with anger.  
"Fine! I'll leave you alone Harry if that's what you really want. Consider me out of your life."  
She turned on her heel and left a fuming Harry standing alone. He didn't call out. He didn't try to stop her. He wondered if later on he would care. Right now he didn't. He realized his tiff with Ginny had caught the attention of everyone and it annoyed him more to have so many spectators watching him with judging eyes.  
"Fuck off! Stop looking at me!"  
A few people snickered and made mocking noises but everyone turned away and busied themselves in conversation. Harry left for the lake, making sure to kick at a small table in the process. It didn't release any anger but it warned everyone to steer clear for a while.

He didn't care if his outburst caused concern amongst his friends or if the rest of Hogwarts thought he was insane. He probably was. As he sat at the edge of the lake with his back pressed against a tree that hid him from immediate sight, all that mattered was the soft sound of the water lapping. The cool breeze that kissed his exposed skin and painted his cheeks a light pink. The refreshing silence and healing solitude was all that mattered to Harry.  
He just wanted to escape from everyone and everything.  
It took him a few minutes to realize he'd been holding his breath. It was as if he was too scared to breathe, in case the peace was interrupted or something inside him snapped and broke him. When he finally released the air he'd been holding on to, he broke down. Tears finally escaped and ran freely down his face.  
He tried to wipe them with his sleeve but they just kept coming. Harry put his glasses back on, pulled his knees to his chest and hugged them. He buried his face and let himself cry.  
He hadn't cried in a while and the feeling was foreign and painful. When he allowed himself to cry he opened a flood gate and images of everything and everyone he'd tried so desperately to push out of his mind come back to him all at once swirling chaotically through his mind.  
'_I can't believe I let myself forget... It was only for a second! I was too busy trying to please everyone else. How could I have pushed them aside like that?_'  
He was never a very reasonable person. His sobs were loud enough to drown out approaching footsteps and a gentle question:  
"Are you alright Harry?"  
It wasn't until her soft hand touched his shoulder that Harry looked up. His eyes were puffy and he could barely see Luna.  
"Luna just go away."  
She didn't make any attempt to move.  
"Why are you crying Harry?" She asked, ignoring his rude comment. She sat beside him and hugged her own knees to her chest, imitating his position. He kept silent but she conveyed no signs of frustration.  
"That's fine Harry; you don't have to tell me. If you do want to talk though feel free to do so. I'll listen."  
She stared out at the lake. Even when Harry turned to look at her she kept her gaze on the water.  
Harry looked as well but saw nothing. He shook his head and sighed. Giving up on trying to shoo her away.  
"What are you looking at?"  
He asked curiously. She seemed so intent on watching the lake that he wondered if some exotic creature that only she could see was walking on top of the water.  
"I'm just looking at the water. I sometimes come here when I'm sad too. It's quite calming."  
She gave a small smile and Harry arched one eyebrow.  
"You? Get sad? You're the most optimistic person I know, I can't imagine you being upset."  
She laughed at this.  
"I get sad. Everyone does."  
Harry wasn't sure if he believed her.  
"I want to be alone now Luna."  
He gave a feeble smile and she nodded and left. He watched her retreating back disappear from his sight before turning back to stare out into nothing. He had stopped crying and was left with a sharp headache, puffy eyes and a blocked nose. He looked like a right sight.

When Harry finally returned at the end of the day to the Gryffindor common room he wasn't greeted with pleasant smiles or people asking where he'd been and if he was okay.  
He was greeted with tense silence and dark glares. The darkest glare shot from Ron who sat by a sympathetic looking Hermione.  
Harry knew what this meant. Ron was going to explode. Harry also knew why. Because he had told Ginny she could leave him alone. The rest of the room had either witnessed his rampage or heard about it and nobody looked impressed with him. He lowered his head and tried to pass through without anybody speaking to him. He had no such luck.  
"Where do you think you're going?"  
It was Ron. His friend was furious and storming his way over to him. He shoved Harry before Harry could ignore him and leave the common room.  
"Mind explaining to me what happened between you and my sister?"  
"Mind keeping your nose in your own business?"  
Hermione slapped a hand over her mouth and turned away. Everyone in the common room had circled them now and Harry suddenly felt trapped.  
"Shut up! Tell me why Ginny won't stop crying! What did you say to her?"  
Harry looked around and saw a few Gryffindors trying to encourage Ron to start a fight with Harry.  
"Piss off Ron! She dumped me!"  
He made to push through the circle to get out of the common room but was shoved back towards Ron.  
"You stay away from her!"  
"With pleasure! Now piss off and let me go!"  
He found a first year and pushed him, this time with success. The small boy fell to the ground and Harry escaped. He ran out of the common room before he could be thrown back into the circle. On his way some-one shouted out to him. He recognized the voice as Hermiones and ignored her. When she called again he lost his temper.  
"Fuck off!"  
She did. Harry suddenly found he was more alone than ever. It was his second day back and already he had turned his house against him. He didn't stop walking until he reached the great hall. It wasn't empty but he could see no-one from the common room so he felt a sense of safety. He was too angry to be near people, yet too scared to be completely alone. So he sat down and tried to drown his thoughts out with the sound of the few people that were in there chatting.  
He noticed a few heads had turned to him curiously, but no-one approached him and for that he was thankful.  
It gave him time to think about some of the problems that had earlier been puzzling him. He didn't want to think about how Ginny was in her room crying, or how Ron wanted his head severed and served on a plate, or how Hermione was just trying to help and now was one of the many people who seemed to be against him all because he just wanted to be alone.  
Well, he had got his wish. He was on his own now.  
'_Not completely._'  
He felt almost evil for even thinking that for a second he could possibly consider talking to Malfoy of all people.  
'_He understands though…_'  
He suddenly found himself in an argument with himself. He was trying to convince himself that Malfoy didn't, and that he was on his own completely. But he knew he wasn't. He knew Malfoy would listen to him if he talked. Even though Luna had offered him an open ear it wasn't the same because unlike Malfoy, she didn't know. She didn't understand. He did.  
'_I've lost my mind._'  
He seemed even more convinced of this when he wondered if using his cloak as an excuse to talk to Malfoy was a good idea. He could go ask about his cloak and then question their conversation the night before. It was ridiculous. He was disgusted that he had even thought of that. He hated himself more when he left his seat to go hunt down Malfoy.

Malfoy was sitting outside with Pansy and Blaise. It had taken Harry at least an hour to work this out. The map was in his room so he couldn't go back and collect it. His cloak was lost so he couldn't slip into the Slytherin common room and look for him there. It was sheer luck that he happened to walk outside and spot Malfoy leaning casually against a tree with Pansys head in his lap and Blaise sprawled out comfortably beside the two.  
He had thought finding Malfoy was the hard part but it wasn't. Getting him away from his small posse was. He walked past them at first. They had seen him leave the safety of inside so there was no point trying to turn around or hide. It would make it obvious.  
He couldn't just walk up to Malfoy that would be suicide. So he simply walked past and tried to throw Malfoy a hinting glance. Malfoy didn't even look twice so it was a useless attempt. He planted himself on a bench that was far enough to not look suspicious yet close enough so he could see if Malfoy was momentarily alone.

It was a while before he finally caught Malfoys attention. By this point Blaise was fast asleep, breathing steadily and snoring loudly. Draco sighed in disgust and turned his attention to Pansy who had her work books out, looking through them early so she could get a head start. Well that was her plan anyway but that went downhill quickly. She was too busy lost in a one sided conversation with Draco about how Millicent should be banished from the group.  
In Dracos' opinion she was far less annoying then Pansy who had grabbed his arm and draped it around herself. When her focus was momentarily caught by the book on her lap he shot a glance over to Harry.  
Harry looked up and their gazes met for a brief moment.  
He gave Malfoy a quick nod and then stood from his seat. Draco watched as he headed for the quidditch changing rooms. He gave one last nod so that Draco got the hint to follow.  
Draco carelessly stole his arm back from Pansy and stood. Pansy cried out in annoyance at the loss of Dracos warm body next to hers.  
"Hey! Where are you going?"  
He simply shrugged.  
"For a walk. I'll see you later."  
She glared but said nothing else. Instead she threw her book at Blaise who woke up with a jolt.  
"What the hell?"  
He turned to Pansy.  
"Merlin woman! What did I do?"  
Noticing Draco's absence he worked out the situation pretty quickly, brushed himself off and prepared to hear all about Pansys problems with Draco.

"So, is there something you wanted Potter?"  
Draco's arms were folded across his chest and he tapped his foot impatiently. Harry paced the changing room floor trying to work out where to start.  
"Shush."  
He silenced Malfoy who was interrupting his train of thought.  
"Jesus Potter, you're a right mess. What happened to you?"  
There was scorn in his voice rather than sympathy or worry. He screwed his face up when Harry turned to glare at him.  
"Where's my cloak?"  
He sounded rather demanding. It was not how he wanted to talk to Malfoy but Malfoys snide remarks were agitating him. He continued to pace the floor, wondering why he was there at all trying to communicate to the snarky Slytherin. He didn't really want to leave because at that point Malfoy was the only person who didn't want to rip his throat out. He may have hated Harry but he wasn't mad at him.  
"What? You drag me in here, make this huge fuss and all you're worried about is your cloak?"  
"No! I mean, it's not the only reason, I just don't have to share it with you!"  
Malfoy looked mildly offended, but shrugged his shoulders and gave a false look of innocence.  
"I have no idea what you're talking about Potter, why would I have your cloak?"  
Harry stopped pacing and advanced toward Draco who moved backwards. He felt slightly intimidated but he wore a blank mask that could have fooled Harry.  
"I know you do Malfoy! I need it back!"  
"Relax Potter, I grabbed it for you. I was going to give it back to you tonight. It's in the common room."  
His hands were raised defensively. Harry still didn't calm down but he nodded and waved a hand as a gesture for Draco to relax. Draco lowered his hands and brushed down his cloak which still had bits of grass stuck to it after sitting down on the grass all day.  
"Go get it."  
He demanding voice caused Draco to snicker.  
"Is something funny Malfoy?"  
He was losing his patience. He had wanted to confide in Malfoy for god knows what reason but now he was far too worked up and freaked out to think straight.  
"You think I'm going to run around after you just because you say so? You seem to be misunderstood. I don't have to do anything for you, especially when you're acting like a git."  
Harry rolled his eyes. It seemed despite the absence of his father Malfoy still walked around with a superiority complex.  
"Just, go get it."  
"If I go out now Pansy will question me, especially if she finds me in the common room looking for a cloak. When I go back out there I'll have to deal with her. I'll get it for you after dinner."  
He waited for Harrys response and when he received none he started to leave.  
"Meet me back in the prefect's bathroom around midnight. It'll look too suspicious for me to be seen near you."  
He turned and left the changing room without another word, leaving Harry alone to cool down. Harry took a seat and placed his head in his hands. Everything was a mess and to make things worse his meeting with Malfoy had caused more problems for him.  
Shaking his head he wondered what the point in pulling him aside was in the first place. Nothing had changed, now he had more things to worry about; like sneaking out later to collect his cloak.

'_Maybe you could talk to him then? Calm down, and work out why you need to talk to him anyway._'

It was actually a good idea. He had acted spontaneously and not bothered to think things through. Maybe if he took the time now, he could forget about everything else and make sense of things. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. He'd still have to return to the common room and even if he didn't, he'd have to sit at the Gryffindor table for dinner. He doubted things would ease up.  
He'd still have to deal with the angry faces of his friends.  
"I can do this. They can't still be angry can they?"

When Harry walked into the great hall and headed towards the Gryffindors he noticed a lot of the talking, particularly the conversation going on between his group, ceased and turned into a hushed whisper.  
He hadn't been expecting them to have eased up, but he gave a feeble smile when he caught Ron and Hermiones attention. Ron turned away but Hermione smiled back with a hint of sympathy on her face. Harry sighed with relief and moved to sit next to her, deciding that since she was the only one on his side he would cling to her.  
Hermione shifted but Seamus didn't move, leaving Harry next to no space to sit.  
"Come on Seamus, move over."  
Neville shifted beside him and tugged at Seamus.  
"Why should I?"  
Hermione rolled her eyes and pushed Seamus closer to Neville.  
"Just stop it Seamus, Harry can sit there."  
"Thanks Hermione. Neville."  
Harry took his seat and wasn't the least bit surprised when Ron stood from his seat and left without a word. He had eaten only half his dinner before abandoning it and leaving the rest of them so he could go and sulk. Hermione sighed and turned to Harry.  
"We don't know what's up with you. I'm not upset with you, but you can't keep this up. Ron has been trying his best to cheer you up but we don't know what to do any more."  
Her voice was low and only Harry and Neville were listening. Everyone else had lost interest in the two of them when they let Harry sit.  
"I don't know either. I'll be sorted soon. Where's Ginny?"  
Her absence hadn't gone unnoticed, especially since she seemed to be the center of his most recent problems. All the same he shouldn't have yelled, at her, or Ron, or Hermione or anyone.  
"She's gone back up to the common room… She didn't stay for long… Listen, Harry, what happened?"  
He didn't quite know. He had just wanted to breathe, he was on the verge of tears and he had just needed to be alone. She should have just left him be. He wanted to tell Hermione that he felt terrible and wanted her back, but truth was he didn't.  
"I snapped at her and she said it was over."  
He didn't want to go into detail about how he had basically told her to get fucked and didn't want her anymore. It made him feel like a bad person just thinking about. He probably was a bad person and Hermione had probably already heard from Ginny what had happened.  
He was definitely a bad person.  
"You should apologize. If not to her, then to Ron."  
Harry opened his mouth to protest but Hermione raised her hands defensively to stop him.  
"I know you don't think you need to, but you do. Please, Ron's upset. You don't see what you're doing. You're not just upsetting Ron or Ginny, you're upsetting everyone."  
Harry said nothing.  
"Please Harry, talk to some-one. I think I know why you're upset… Just tell someone. Please."  
Her eyes were as pleading as her words. He was too scared to say no in case she cried. He was too scared to say yes in case he cried, so he nodded. He buried himself in his food and Hermione seemed to accept this and let him be. There was no use creating more drama then there already was.

'_It's only the second day back, how did things get like this?_'

As annoying as she felt Hermione knew it had to be said. There was no doubt about it, Harry was getting worse. He was sinking lower and lower and she didn't want Harry to shut everyone out completely. She kept an eye on him as he ate in silence, occasionally sharing a word with Neville but mostly keeping to himself. There was probably not much point in him trying to talk to anyone anyway, they were all mad at him. She noticed his occasional glances towards the Slytherin table and tried to work out what had caught his attention but could see nothing or no-one of interest.  
He was probably just finding himself feeling awkward and trying to look anywhere but at her.  
Truth was Harry was worried about meeting with Malfoy later.  
"Hermione, I'm going for a walk. I need to be alone for a while."  
She touched him on the arm and stopped him before he could leave straight away.  
"Just… Listen to what I said. Please."  
All the pleading in the world wouldn't get through to him but she was the only one trying it would seem. He didn't argue back though so she hoped something had gotten through to him.  
Harry had actually decided that apologizing to Ron was a good start. She was right, even if he didn't think he should have to, the point was that Ron wouldn't ease up if he didn't. So he found himself a short while later sitting on the edge of his bed staring at Ron with sincere apology written on his face, and Ron stared back at him seeming to look torn. He wanted to stay angry at Harry, he had reason to be mad at him, but he wasn't going to continue bickering. Though in all fairness it wasn't actually bickering, it was Ron shouting at Harry and Harry ignoring him.  
"I don't understand you these days."  
"I don't either. Things are just messed up."  
A thought crossed his mind, should he tell Ron about his encounter with Malfoy? Then the thought disappeared and he was pushing Malfoy to the very back of his mind, but still keeping in mind he had to meet him later that night…  
"I won't ask. I know you don't want me to so I won't."  
Harry gave Ron a feeble but thankful smile. But Ron wasn't finished.  
"I expect you to explain to me what happened between you and Ginny though. She didn't tell anyone anything."  
Harry rattled his brain but couldn't for the life of him make sense of what had actually happened. He had just kind of snapped. He wondered if that would be a good enough explanation.  
"I don't know... I just... I saw her and I was just furious and she wouldn't leave me alone, so I snapped at her and then she broke up with me."  
The look on Ron's face told Harry his excuse _wasn't_ good enough, but Ron sighed and shook his head. He had seen it coming, he had been trying to intervene for weeks but Ginny was so stubborn.  
"Girls. Who needs em?"  
He smiled and Harry suddenly felt like it was okay again. It wasn't, far from it actually, but there was one less problem weighing him down.  
"Can we just, hang out in here for a bit? I don't feel like facing downstairs."  
Ron nodded.  
"Sure mate. We can play chess or something." 

**A/N I owe apologies, sorry this has taken so very long, I've been so preoccupied, but 'Your star' has managed to worm its way into my mind and steal my imagination again so I will be updating far sooner this time. This is my main priority on fan fic I promise.  
This chapter was going to be longer but due to circumstances has been cut off here, and I will pick up immediately (:  
- Chantelle**


	3. Hidden doors

**Your Star.**

**A/N Fear not, I have not forgotten about this story and I intend to complete it! (:**

"_Seems that I have been held, in some dreaming state.  
A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake.  
No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber,  
until I realized that it was you who held me under."_

__**Chapter three.  
Hidden doors.**

Come eleven thirty Harry was finally thankful for the insomnia that plagued him. He was as wide awake as ever and Ron had already crawled to bed and was most likely fast asleep. Time seemed to drag itself slowly along and Harry found himself constantly stealing glances at the clock. He really had to stop this nonsense, if anything he should have been hoping for time to slow down not speed up. With every second that passed he felt his stomach grow tighter with rising nervousness and his heart speed up. He had made a fool of himself earlier, the way he'd acted and believed he could confide in Draco Malfoy, of all people. What was waiting for him at midnight? A friendly shoulder with the words of understanding he'd been longing for, his cloak, or the most likely scenario; a snide Malfoy with plans to abase him in some way? He was having an internal debate with himself, to meet Malfoy or to not meet him? His curiosity was over-powering his fear and like the typical Gryffindor he was he knew he couldn't stay away. He needed to find help somehow, Hermione had begged him to, and he was willing to look in the darkest corners of the castle to save himself from himself. **  
**Malfoy was not his enemy he realized, it was him, and it had been him all along.

Harry moved with stealth he never knew he had. There had been a close call with Filch that put him on edge. He had grown over confident, used to being protected by his invisibility cloak, but soon remembered how exposed he was when he heard footsteps approaching. Ducking out of sight, Harry waited until Filch had passed and made his escape in the opposite direction.  
He had left five minutes early as he knew sneaking around would take up more time now that he was completely visible and arrived at the prefects bathroom exactly on time. He didn't want to seem eager and he hesitated to push open the door, his nerves were starting to get the best of him.  
_"What is your problem? It's only Malfoy? He can't intimidate you; he's nothing but a slimy coward..." _He emphasized the word coward in his head and suddenly felt a twang of guilt. He thought back on Draco's actions during the war. The fear on Draco's face when he stood facing Dumbledore, the man he'd been ordered to assassinate. He couldn't go through with it. And when asked to reveal his identity Malfoy again backed down. Was Draco Malfoy a coward or was he simply conflicted between his orders and his compassion?  
He hung his head and sighed. Malfoy may be slimy but coward wasn't right. By backing down on his orders he was actually defying Voldemort, an accidental act of bravery.  
Harry was angry at himself for trying justify his associations with the Slytherin by trying to paint him as something he wasn't.  
"_You're just trying to get your cloak back, nothing else._" He lied. There would be no more trying to make Malfoy into the white knight he most certainly was not, and with that Harry gained the courage to push open the bathroom doors and enter.  
The first thing Harry saw when he walked in was Malfoy who was again sat on the edge of the bathtub. He had the cloak draped across his knee and his hands pressed gently on top of it.  
"Potter, nice of you to be punctual."  
How long had Malfoy been waiting for him? Perhaps he had come early to speak to Moaning Myrtle again, but the whiney ghost was no-where to be seen. He nodded in reply and swallowed back a lump in his throat he didn't realize he had.  
"I see _you're_ early."  
"I came here to think."  
Harry didn't ask what it was he had to think about. He knew it was none of his business. To his surprise Malfoy stood from the edge of the bath and returned Harrys cloak to him, without a word and without a fuss.  
"Thanks."  
His appreciation was mumbled and almost inaudible but Draco must have heard it for he nodded in response. The awkward tension that followed after was broken by Malfoys almost demanding "well?" Harry was slightly shocked.  
"Well what?"  
"Well as in is there something else Potter, am I to understand that you came to see me for more than just your cloak?"  
His tone was mocking and challenging, daring him to turn and leave now, but he couldn't. He didn't know why or how to say why either so he simply gawked at the other male in a moment of confusion.  
"No, there's more."  
He finally spoke without managing to process his thoughts. His mouth seemed to be the only working part of his body, and he would have cursed his brain if he had received a different response.  
"Well, what do you want then? I'm sure I can handle whatever it is."  
Malfoy had an odd tone. He couldn't quite press whether or not he was serious.  
"I just… I don't know what to do anymore… I don't know who to talk to…"  
"And you were hoping I'd be the one to help you? I must say, this is very bold of you Potter, given our past and our circumstances."  
A frown formed on Harrys face but quickly disappeared when Malfoy continued to speak. A smirk grew on Malfoys lips and Harry could tell he was being teased.  
"Relax Potter; I said to you last night that I knew how it felt did I not? You're in luck; I myself could use similar company."  
Draco returned to his seat at the edge of the bath and this time Harry followed and sat beside him. He felt awkward and tense but at the same time a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He wanted to turn and run, berate himself for his poor judgment but something held him back. Something was telling him that maybe this was the only thing he'd done right in a long time.  
"Let me just make this clear to you though, I'm not your friend Potter. We are nothing more than acquaintances that have mutual interests."  
He could accept that, with a simple nod a silent agreement seemed to have been formed.  
"I just… I need to understand something. If you've hated me all these years, why didn't you turn me in or kill me when you had the chance?"  
Malfoy snickered.  
"Merlin Potter I'm not completely cold hearted. I didn't want _anyone_ to die. I…" He trailed off; not wanting to continue, but after finding encouragement in Harry's sympathetic eyes, did so anyway.  
"I didn't want any part of what… _He_ was doing."  
He wasn't the only one who refused to speak Voldemort's name. Even after having defeated him Harry found himself jumping around saying it.  
He nodded and looked at his hands which were twisted and squeezing his robe subconsciously. He hadn't realized how nervous he was until he stopped to register it.  
"No-one blames you for anything… Well I don't."  
He figured that since Malfoy had played a minimum part in the war, and the parts he did play had aided Harry, that everyone would have left well enough alone or chosen to put it aside. He at first guessed that maybe Draco had been scared of fading into the shadows because he craved attention, but now he saw he just needed a friendly figure, or someone who at least understood him.  
'_Like me._' Only Harry _wanted _to be a shadow. He didn't like having his every move scrutinized, having the world watch him. He didn't want people constantly fussing over him and everything he did. But he also didn't want to be alone. He also needed that one person who just knew and understood.  
"It's not about blame Potter!" Malfoy started to lose his temper but quickly regained control of himself.  
"It's about forgiveness. I want to forgive myself."  
Harry suddenly felt like he knew why Malfoy had chosen him, of all people, to be his guiding light; Malfoy believed that _he _was the one who would help him find forgiveness.  
"I don't know if I'm the one to help you then. I can't exactly forgive myself either."  
And with that he stood to leave.  
"You need me as much I need you Potter. You can leave now but you'll just come back. It'll keep eating us up until we can find some sort of release. Don't make this harder than it is."  
It was almost a terrified plea. Draco didn't want him to leave. Once more Harry found himself truly noticing how worn down and pathetic his rival looked. He once would have laughed or looked the other way but now, it was like looking into a mirror. He sighed and sat back down, knowing he'd lost.  
For a second there he thought Malfoy might hug him he looked so relieved, but instead a feeble smile graced his lips and he relaxed.  
"It's late though, we should go, before someone notices we're missing or catches us in here."  
He was lying to himself more than to Malfoy. No-one would notice their absence and it was far too late for anyone else to be wandering around. Even so, Harry felt it would be appropriate to part for the mean time so they could both sleep on the conversation they'd just had. It was a lot to take in, and for the first time in a long time he found himself utterly spent. He was mentally drained and he knew that he would finally get a good night's rest.  
"Alright then, I guess we can continue this another time." They both almost looked forward to it.  
The two males exited the bathroom and nodded briefly at each other with a quick 'goodnight' before parting and going their separate ways. Harry was so lost in thought he hadn't even bothered to cover himself with his cloak as he walked the darks halls back to his dorm. Luckily enough he made it back without incident and slipped silently into bed. Before he knew it he had fallen into a sweet, dreamless slumber with a ghost of a small smile on his lips.

Upon awaking, Harry felt a wave of guilt and knew that the brief moment of peace he had felt before falling asleep was gone, his bitter conscience had returned. He felt guilt over feeling satiated, he felt guilty because of Ginny and he, quite rightly, was deeply guilty for sneaking out late at night to associate with Draco Malfoy. Picking up his glasses Harry got out of bed and went into the bathroom for his morning rituals. Before he begun he took a look at his reflection and was severely displeased. He couldn't even stand the sight of himself any more and turned away in disgust. He looked more than just tired, he looked like he was on deaths door.  
He knew what Ron and Hermione would say and he couldn't face them questioning him today. He decided the only thing to do would be to pay a visit to Slughorn and see if he had anything to help mask his fatigue.

"Harry my dear boy, class isn't for another hour, what are you doing here so early?"  
Harry walked in as Slughorn was preparing for the lesson. He was re-arranging some potion bottles and trying to decide which ones he would need to go over first.  
"Professor I need you to help me."  
"What can I do for you Harry?"  
He looked up and couldn't help but take note of Harry's distressed features.  
"Merlin Harry, you look like hell!"  
"That's kind of why I'm here professor; I need you to help me look a little more… Presentable I guess."  
"You want me to find you a quick 'pick me up' potion am I correct?"  
Harry nodded and stepped forward. Slughorn sighed and folded his arms across his chest.  
"While I would truly like to help you I don't think giving you potions would be an appropriate solution. The only way to solve your problems is to face them head on and hiding them won't go away Harry."  
"The only problem I have is I look like a mess. I don't need to face anything."  
Slughorn parted his lips to disagree but instead let out another soft sigh and shook his head.  
"I'm sorry Harry, I don't believe you."  
Harry gave a simple nod and turned to leave the classroom.  
"I'll see you in potions class then."  
And with that he left before another word could be said.

"Bloody hell, what does he think he's playing at? Giving us this much work to do?"  
Hermione rolled her eyes and continued eating, simply ignoring her boyfriend. Ron had been complaining all morning. He hadn't even attempted any of it since the day before when they received their home work so she couldn't sympathize with him.  
"Well if you'd just stop moaning and actually get started it won't seem like such a big deal."  
Ron looked up and furrowed his brows.  
"I see you're back from hiding Ginny, if you're going to be rude you should just go back."  
She poked her tongue at him and gave the two of them a warm smile.  
"Ginny, you're feeling better now. That's good."  
Hermione was just relieved that Ginny was at least back to normal. She didn't even want to think about the state Harry was in. She wondered how everything would go down when he came in for breakfast and hoped to Merlin there wouldn't be any arguing.  
"I'm fine. I just needed some time alone."  
She looked good, Hermione noted. She tried to find subtle hints that suggested she may have been trying to cover up that she wasn't fine but couldn't find anything.  
Ginny took a seat across the table and started to fill up her plate. She didn't seem to notice Harry had entered the room. Hermione felt her heart skip a beat and she turned to Ron to see he wasn't paying any attention either. She watched Harry's face to see how he'd react to seeing Ginny but he didn't even seem to take notice. He hadn't even looked over at their table. He was too busy scanning the Slytherin table. Confused she looked in the direction of his gaze and found it had fallen onto Malfoy. They were making eye contact.  
'_That's weird._' She squeezed her lips together tightly and tried to catch his gaze, hoping to signal him out of the room before he sat down without noticing Ginny. It was a few seconds before she finally did and with a tilt of her head she motioned Ginny. His eyes widened and she nodded towards the door. With an understanding nod he quickly exited the great hall.  
"I'll be back."  
Hermione hastily excused herself and followed after him. Ron looked up but didn't say anything. He didn't seem to notice anything that was going on and neither did Ginny who was eagerly digging into her breakfast.

"Harry, what was that?"  
"What was what?"  
"Don't play dumb with me, I saw you and Malfoy. What was that look about?"  
Harry felt the blood running through his veins begin to boil. He couldn't hide the shame from his flushed face and his green eyes widened slightly. He had been caught but that wasn't what was worrying him the most. What worried him the most was how flustered her question had made him. He didn't have anything to hide, and yet here he was feeling as though he were a small boy being caught trying to steal from a lolly jar. What worried him was there wasn't even anything to catch.  
"I just saw him on the way to breakfast and he wanted a text book from me, so I gave it to him…"  
He trailed off and Hermione almost snorted at his pathetic answer.  
"That doesn't even make sense."  
He swallowed a painful lump that was growing in the back of his throat.  
"I guess it didn't. Well this has been fun."  
Before he could make his escape she painfully grabbed his arm and her expression became dark.  
"Harry James Potter, you tell me right now what's going on between you and that slimy weasel."  
Harry didn't have anything to say, he had no way of answering her because he barely understood it himself.  
"Nothing now let go of my arm Hermione."  
He tried to sound intimidating but let out a pained cry when she squeezed harder.  
"Tell me."  
"Okay, okay! Just let go!"  
She let go but still moved stop him from leaving.  
"Well?"  
She had her arms folded across her chest and raised her eyebrows impatiently.  
"I saw him the other night in the bathroom. I left my cloak behind and last night we met up so he could give it back. I guess we talked a little bit and then I went to bed."  
She wasn't quite sure that she believed him.  
"And that's all that happened? You talked to him?"  
Harry nodded. Hermione almost found herself relieved. She hated Malfoy but she hated that Harry was bottling everything up inside even more. She couldn't tell anyone. She didn't want to push Harry away or ruin whatever was happening between the two. She concluded that she would sit back and ignore the situation.  
"We just talked. How's Ginny?"  
He added. He was almost terrified at the prospect of facing her. At least Hermione had been on to it enough to warn him and give him time to prepare. It almost sent shivers down his spine when he imagined how it would have turned out if Hermione hadn't pulled him aside.  
"She's good. She only just sat down with us; she doesn't know you're here."  
He didn't want to ask if he could sit with them. He wasn't even sure he wanted to sit with them. He couldn't face Ginny. He could barely handle her when she was happy with him, let alone upset with him.  
"Is she still mad?"  
Hermione shrugged. They hadn't even discussed Harry.  
"I'm sure it'll be fine. You can join us if you want. I think it would be best, at least try to get along with her. She deserves an apology."  
Her voice was soft and encouraging. He knew what he had to do. He needed to keep attention off himself and arguing with Ginny had turned the whole of Gryffindor against him. Apologizing was the only thing he could do it felt.  
"You're right. I'll come in with you then."  
Hermione gave a wide smile and she grabbed his hand.  
"Good!"  
She tugged him towards the door and he followed, regretting his decision, knowing his body probably couldn't handle all the social stress he kept throwing at himself. His meeting with Malfoy was too intense for his liking and it made him feel drained, even after all the sleep he got. His wee scare with Hermione had pushed him a little far as well and as he let her drag him back into the hall to face his ex-girlfriend and judgmental peers he could feel the adrenaline beginning to rise and course through his body almost immediately. As they entered the hall he locked eyes with Ginny and momentarily his heart stopped beating.  
'_Here goes nothing._'

**A/n Summer holidays now! MONTHS before university starts up again so guess who's getting all my attention? You guys are!**


	4. Inside out, upside down

**Your Star.**

**A/N The fourth chapter of 'Your Star.' I'd like to thank the people who have reviewed and the people who have taken the time to follow the story so far, and who have put up with my slow updates! I really appreciate the support from my readers, even if I don't have many it still makes me happy to know that there are people who enjoy my writing and that's why I do it (:**

_"When you came back I knew you'd have a story.  
You need some-one to ease the pain of living life.  
You're like a soldier in the fray, seeking shelter.  
From all the madness that you've seen."_

**Chapter three.  
Inside out, upside down.**

"Hello Harry."  
A smile, a gentle tone, this wasn't quite what he'd been expecting. He hadn't expected yelling but he hadn't expected her to so graceful and polite. It made it harder to in some sense dislike her. She was his friend so of course he liked her; he just found her obsession with him irritating.  
"Ginny, I see you're okay."  
He looked away and nearly stammered, he wasn't very good at apologizing. In fact he was almost terrible in every social situation it seemed. He forced a smile and sat down beside her. Trying hard to relax he busied himself in preparing a plate for breakfast.  
"Harry I just wanted to apologize about my behavior yesterday."  
She placed her hand on his arm and gave him a small squeeze that was too intimate for his liking.  
"Ginny-"  
"-No Harry, I mean it. You're just important to me and I need to find better ways of showing it."  
Harry didn't really have a lot to say to that so he nodded and gave a small smile.  
"I'm sorry too."  
He heard a sigh of relief on the other side of the table and saw Ron and Hermione smiling.  
"Glad _that's _sorted! Finally, we can eat in peace!"  
While he watched his friends relax at the reunion of him and Ginny he himself didn't quite share in their happiness. He looked up and searched for solace in bright grey eyes that stared straight back. He couldn't quite read Malfoy's expression; he just hoped Malfoy could read his.

"Harry, will you walk with me to class for a little bit? We should talk, away from everyone else."  
She seemed so full of hope and relief that he couldn't bring himself to reject her.  
"Sure, what do you want to talk about?"  
He couldn't see the harm in walking with her, after all he didn't need any more public displays of aggression, and he knew she'd just get upset if he tried to walk away again.  
"I just need to know you're okay. You know, no-one believes you are. Especially me. You would have never said those things to me if you were, so I understand there's something else troubling you."  
Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes. There were other things troubling him but he had a sneaking suspicion that his feelings for her wouldn't be any different, even if he weren't in the state of mind that he was in. He just had no interest in her and he couldn't understand why she was so blind to that.  
"Ginny, I'm fine. I don't need to talk about anything and if you feel that I'm just saying that to push you away then I'm sorry but it's really no-one's business."  
He was curt but tried to hide his agitation. He wanted to tell her to back off without upsetting her completely. She hugged her books to her chest a little tighter and looked down as they walked side by side but simply nodded and gave a feeble smile.  
"It's fine Harry, but I'm here for you, I just want you to know that."  
The two locked eyes and exchanged small, forced, smiles.  
"Thank you."  
And he truly meant it, he was grateful that she finally understood, to an extent.  
"I'll see you around."  
She gave Harry a smile and a quick hug before she left. He waited until she was out of sight to let slip an agitated sigh. He couldn't put his finger on how exactly he felt. He felt alone and isolated but at the same time smothered; he'd barely had any time to himself to just think. Perhaps he should have been thankful for the distractions; he didn't like it when his mind wandered because it always reminded him of things he'd rather forget. He wasn't sure exactly what Ginny was taking from their interactions but he knew it would lead to trouble. Pleased that he finally had a moment alone; Harry took his time walking to class. He wanted to savor the silence. He loved his friends really but they were so clueless about what was really important. They kept asking him 'what's wrong?' and he couldn't understand how everything to them was okay. It should be obvious what was wrong; nothing had been right since the war and the loss of their loved ones.  
His talk with Hermione though had put him in a different state of mind. Well actually the whole situation with Malfoy had, but now that she knew about it and seemed to accept it, he didn't feel guilty. Truth was he liked feeling guilty.  
He liked keeping a secret that wasn't anything to do with his haunting past. It was uplifting to have finally found someone to confide in, but inappropriately exciting as well. He blamed the Slytherin side of himself for being so devious, and his Gryffindor side for enjoying the thrill of it. He had felt a cold chill run down his back when the two had made eye contact earlier and he was certain Malfoy felt it too. He kept thinking back to the moment they saw each other in the dining and wondered just how intense it must have been to their friends. Hermione had seen and he wondered if any of the other Slytherins had been paying as much attention as she had. A stab of sadness watched over him when he realized probably not. Malfoy only had Pansy and Blaise by his side. The rest had completely abandoned him. He was shunned by the Slytherins for turning against the in the war and rejected by the remainder of the school for being a Death eater. It was at this point Harry realized Malfoy was just as lost as he was. He wanted to save Draco because he couldn't save himself, and part of him believed Draco wanted to save him for the exact same reason.

"Alright then, get into your pairs and get on with it!"  
Slughorn was over enthused about their latest experiment, perhaps only because he was the _only _one in the room who seemed excited about it. The class would be making a calming draught. Slughorn had explained that for their final year they would be covering basics and all the things they'd learnt over the years as there was no set structure planned for the eighth years, considering they were only supposed to study up until year seven. McGonagall had struggled to prepare anything new to be taught because they had already learnt everything, so testing the abilities they already had, but at a higher level, seemed to be the appropriate decision. In reality the students hadn't returned to repeat the year because they needed to learn, it was simply because no-one wanted to say goodbye just yet.  
Harry took note of just how perfect Slughorn's choice in choosing to cover a calming draught was. He imagined it had something to do with their conversation earlier, and it was just what he needed. Harry found pairing up to be a rather difficult task; Hermione was with Ron, Neville and Seamus had paired up and so had Dean and Cho, leaving Harry alone. He scanned the room, hoping to find someone quiet to work with. He got his wish when he found Draco looking around equally as desperate as himself. He felt his heart sink.  
He didn't want to work with Malfoy. Although on the outside he knew his friends would have simply viewed it as him being forced to work with the Slytherin, but for some reason he couldn't help but feel guilty. He was nervous and he felt like if they were seen together in public. It was absurd of course, they weren't even doing anything. Surely talking meant nothing at all, they had it agreed that it would never even lead to friendship so he couldn't understand why the feeling wouldn't shake.  
Swallowing his nerves Harry made the first step toward Malfoy. The two looked positively horrified and Hermione was the only one who knew it was because of something more than the two having strong distain for each other.  
"Good luck Harry."  
Ron called after him giving a feeble smile. Harry smiled back and the rest of the class began to prepare in their own pairs.  
Harry took his time reluctantly walking over to Draco who mirrored his sluggish behavior. Neither male said a word when they finally made their way over to their station. Draco opened the text book and Harry took note of what ingredients to collect. It wasn't until he came back with everything that he chose to speak.  
"I um. I didn't choose to be your partner on purpose."  
He was trying to ease the tension but it back fired.  
"Shut it Potter. You don't talk to me in front of people, understand?"  
Malfoy retorted in a sharp, venomous whisper. Harry was taken aback, feeling a little stung, but he understood. He was still annoyed and felt insulted, but he knew they had to keep up appearances, the world was used to them hating each other, and that was the charade they would use.  
"Screw you Malfoy, fucking git."  
He hissed back, equally as annoyed. He saw a ghost of a smile briefly flash across Malfoy's lips and then it was gone, and his exhausted features twisted back into angry and bitter just as quickly. Harry hid his own smile.  
The two worked side by side without incident. Without the judgmental stares he had expected to receive.  
The majority of the class was successful, save for Neville and Seamus which was expected, and the potions were distributed evenly, a small flask each for every class member. Neville and Seamus had to stay behind and clean up the mess they'd create, but before Harry could leave with the rest of the class Slughorn pulled him aside. He moved Harry to the back of the room so that the two were out of ear shot. Seamus and Neville were bickering too loudly to hear regardless.  
"What is it professor?"  
Slughorn held out his hand with an extra flask of calming draught. He gave Harry a knowing look and waited until the younger male accepted his gift before speaking.  
"I hope this helps."  
He gave a small wink and Harry nodded gratefully in return before turning to leave.

For the remainder of the day, Harry contemplated whether or not it would be worth it to take a small sip of one of the flasks of calming draught he had safely stashed away in his robe. He had decided to make the doses last even if he didn't get to experience the maximum effects at least it was something and at least it would help stabilize him for a few days. He passed through the rest of his classes in a half daze, day dreaming about how simple life used to be. Well, not simple, but he had the support of his friends. The people he knew and loved were still alive, he was too young to even think about girls and most importantly perhaps, Draco Malfoy was Draco Malfoy. A twit, a pain in the backside. He didn't sympathize with the git, he certainly didn't socialize with him, and he certainly didn't have any form of feelings other than disdain. He couldn't understand where and when everything started to change, but he only noticed it in year six. Part of him stopped hating Malfoy and wanted to know more about him. It made things so complicated and he was always angry. He always felt like he was missing something in his life. He wondered if Draco felt it too, since the blond seemed so convinced they were completely in tune.  
He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think about Malfoy, or Ginny, or anybody for that matter. He just wanted everything to be okay, and on that thought he decided it was probably best if he did take a sip of calming draught.

"Queen to E3."  
The white porcelain chess piece moved into place at Ron's command, simply taking a seat in the empty space.  
Harry took note of Ron's dull tone and chose to question his friends' melancholic mood.  
"Something the matter Ron? You seem down?"  
Ron let out an exasperated sigh and rolled his eyes.  
"Women."  
Harry grunted with understanding.  
"What did you do now?"  
"Why do you accuse me of being in the wrong? Hermione might have done something and I could be angry at her for all you know."  
Harry snorted and Ron crossed his arms in response.  
"All I know is it's you she's always mad at. Seriously, what did you do now?"  
Admitting defeat Ron let out a sigh.  
"I kind of implied that she was a nuisance and didn't want her around."  
Harry would have been shocked but Ron had a habit of meaning one thing and it coming out as something completely different and horrible.

"You told your girlfriend she's annoying and you don't want her around?"  
His eyebrow was arched and he didn't even try to sound sympathetic.  
"Well, I just meant her harassing me to study gets on my nerves. I just want a break every now and again, it was mid argument and I slipped out that I'd be better off without her."  
"But you wouldn't be. Ron, if it weren't for Hermione you'd get nothing done. Now go apologize to her."  
Ron furrowed his brows. He didn't want his pride to get hurt, but even less did he want Hermione to be upset with him.  
"Fine." He finally agreed. "But after we finish this game."  
"Go _now _Ron!"  
"Alright, alright. You're just as bossy as she is though."  
Harry chuckled and Ron left to find Hermione. He sat alone at the desk and pondered about which assignment he should start on now that he had a moment to himself. He was interrupted though by the sudden appearance of strikingly blonde hair that unmistakably belonged to Malfoy. He saw only a flash of color moving through the book shelves but never the less knew it was him. His curiosity got the better of him and he found himself standing to get a better view. He saw Malfoy before the other male saw him and for some unknown reason he was questioning whether or not speaking to him would be appropriate. After all what were the rules? Did they only communicate at night or in secrecy when there was no one around? He did a room scan and found the library was mostly deserted, it was rather late after all, and decided he had nothing to lose. Well, his legs decided. His brain was still working out the logistics when his feet began to move of their own accord. He often felt every part of his body was at war. His heart and feet were ganging up on his brain. Before he could change his mind and turn on his heels to run in the opposite direction he found himself facing Malfoy's back which was merely a couple of feet away. He didn't want to wait for the other male to turn around and get a fright so he cleared his throat to get his attention.  
Malfoy turned around looking slight shocked. His shocked expression turned into a gentle frown and he looked behind Harry to see if anyone was watching the encounter. They were in the clear.  
"Potter. What do you want?"  
Good question, Harry mentally scolded himself. When would he ever think things through before acting?  
"I just saw you and was wondering how your night was going."  
Malfoy arched an eyebrow and snorted.  
"You wanted to exchange pleasantries? Jog on Potter."  
He turned around to continue searching for books, ignoring the betrayed look Harry wore.  
"I thought that's what we were doing, talking? Being pleasant and civil?"  
Draco sighed and rolled his eyes.  
"I knew you'd find a way to complicate nothing at all. We're not friends. I thought I made that clear, I would like to keep our interactions to a minimum, and I'd like to do so somewhere less open. Anyone could walk past and see us talking. Then what?"  
He never thought about the then what. He had been well aware that a friendship wasn't about to form but for some reason he felt rejected and taken aback.  
"You came to me, remember? You wanted to talk to me."  
Harry spat back. He sounded offended it caused Malfoy to smirk.  
"I gave you an opportunity; you were the one who accepted it."  
He was making Harry look like a fool. Harry felt like a fool. He couldn't understand why he was so nervous and flustered and why he'd even had the urge to speak to Malfoy in the first place. Malfoy was a git. Perhaps if he repeated that enough he'd believe it and things could go back to normal.  
"I don't know why I did, you're a prat. I can't believe I could confide in someone like you. You know you're quick to play the victim, do whatever you can to get whatever you want but you treat the people around you like crap. I don't know how I forgot that, even for a second."  
He kept his voice low and quiet but his tone was sharp and full of anger. Malfoy got the point. Harry noticed he looked a little stung even. He wondered if it was because he wasn't expecting to be stood up to or if it was the harsh reality of being told he was completely self-centered. Surely he'd been told before, everyone else seemed to notice. Harry could only imagine the depths of Draco's egoism if he couldn't even tell he was conceited in the slightest.  
When Draco made no attempts to speak Harry turned on his heels and started to walk off but was stopped by another hand catching his own, tugging him back.  
"I'm sorry."  
He turned around and faced a confused and hurt expression. He couldn't understand the emotions, only name them. The hand that held his own was soft and cold and it squeezed his own very gently before letting it go. Harry could feel a pleasant tingle still lingering from the unexpected contact. He had an urge to look at his hand but grey eyes kept his own green eyes drawn to them.  
"It.. It's fine."  
Harry sputtered after he finally gained his ability to speak. He'd never in a million years expected to hear an apology spill from Draco Malfoy's lips and yet the words were so loud and clear.  
"Don't go. We can sit together."  
Harry wondered if he meant in public or in the privacy of the secluded prefects bathroom. He imagined the two of them being caught sitting together in public and tried to think how severe the backlash might be, but if he were completely honest there most likely would be gossip, no confrontations, no teasing, none of that. After all, he was Harry Potter, and people barely even strung up the courage to ask him about trivial things, let alone the choices of friends he was making.  
"Alright."

Draco led Harry to an empty corner of the library where they could talk privately without concerns of being seen or over heard. It was hidden behind a section of book shelves and there were cushions laid out for them to sit on. Harry had never taken the time to find somewhere quiet to study before so he'd never thought to create a space like that, he wondered if Draco was the one who found the little corner and claimed it as his own.  
After the two males had settled in there was an awkward tension that filled the air. The same that always seemed to follow them whenever they tried to communicate on a friendly level. Neither knew what to say to each other; it was too awkward to talk about any personal or intense issues, and it was far too serious for them to make small talk. Still, Harry found himself wanting something from Malfoy, even if he didn't know what it was he wanted, and Draco had asked him to stay so Harry found himself desperate to make conversation.  
"Do you come here often?"  
Draco snorted and rolled his eyes, a sly grin split across his lips.  
"Am I to believe you're seducing me Potter?"  
Harry could feel his face turning red with the realization of how shifty he'd sounded.  
"I didn't mean it like that." He spat. "I mean when did you find this spot?"  
Draco paused for a moment before shrugging.  
"Sometime around fourth year, I had a lot to think about and this place was the only place I could be alone."  
Harry wondered just what that a lot of thinking was about. Truthfully he had barely paid any attention at all to Draco; he'd barely seen the snide blonde that whole year. He almost felt bad thinking that Malfoy didn't have anyone to turn to. Harry had his friends, for the most part, but he had no-one. Harry always knew that underneath it all Draco was just a confused, lonely, spoilt little rich boy trying to make his dad proud. He never wanted to be the person he'd become, even if he'd never admit it, and Harry felt he deserved redemption.  
"Well I don't suppose after letting to me into your personal space like this you'd ever think of talking about that stuff with me? I mean after all you're not really alone anymore."  
He braced himself for laughter, annoyance, an insult, he wasn't sure what, but was instead surprised by the warm smile Malfoy shot him.  
"Stupid Gryffindork."  
Harry let out a chuckle; he'd never imagined himself getting along so well with Malfoy. He wondered if they'd even get to a point where they could discuss those things; all the horrible things they saw and felt. Harry had tried to bury them deep inside himself but he found himself just wanting to talk about them, face them and move on. He'd never forget his pain but he at least wanted to be able to forgive his mistakes.  
"You know, there's a part of me that wishes I could talk about it. But I know you'd hate me, and right now. I hate to admit it; I don't want to be alone anymore."  
The tone of the conversation had suddenly changed and Harry found himself at a loss for words. He wondered how, in such a short time Draco could just become a whole new person. He suspected the loss of his father's influence made him question what kind of person he truly wanted to be.  
"You don't want me to hate you?"  
Harry made an audible gulp and straightened up so that he was no longer leaning backwards so casually. Draco's expression was no longer readable yet still his eyes looked so haunted and sad.  
"Shut it Potter. I was the one who asked for your friendship in the first place. You rejected me; don't act like I never had a reason to dislike you."  
Harry would have been taken aback if it weren't true. Besides, there was no malice in Draco's voice.  
"I suppose you're right, but after everything that's happened, I don't believe I have the strength in me to hate you."  
With that they both went silent. Both lost in muddled thoughts about each other. Harry found himself for the first time able to ponder over his distressing feelings with a clear mind.  
It was a short while later that Harry realized a weight was gently pressing against his arm, when he turned he found Malfoy had drifted to sleep and was resting his head against him. A rush of warmth spread through his body and he took note of how peaceful Draco finally looked. He imagined the blonde spending his nights sleepless, tossing and turning. Draco deserved to sleep and so he chose not to disturb him. Instead he shifted slightly so he didn't wake his companion and closed his own eyes. Allowing himself to follow suit and drift into slumber.


End file.
